


Angels Without Wings

by jumble_of_fandoms



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 8x23, AU, Angst, Bath, Black Wings - Freeform, Dean Has A Wing Kink, Destiel - Freeform, Fallen Angel, M/M, Wing Kink, Wings, after season 8 finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 14:57:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1714739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumble_of_fandoms/pseuds/jumble_of_fandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of what happened after the Fall. Dean is rushing to take care of Sam when Cas shows up, without his Grace. But he was already on the ground when the angels started to Fall, so how did he lose his wings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I wrote for fun. Not the only chapter, it's still a work in progress!

“Sam come on we need to get out of here!” Dean grabs Sam under his arms, and tries to haul him out the front door of the old church. His phone starts ringing as they reach the Impala, and he whips it out of his pocket, gently setting Sam down on the ground.

He looks at the number, and notices that it matches Cas’. “Cas?” He bellows into it.

“Dean, where are you?” His voice sounds shaky, something Dean’s not used to hearing.

He rattles off an approximate location, going back see if Sam still conscious. “Hurry up and get your feathery ass here! We've got major shi-”

“My ass isn’t the ‘feathery’ part.” Cas' voice comes from right behind Dean, but it does not make him jump for once. Cas grabs Sam’s shoulder and tries to get him to look at him. “Dean, what has happened to him?”

Cas sounds tired and shaky, but all Dean can focus on is Sam. He can’t lose him, not after everything he has been going through. For once, he was the one trying to protect Dean, and Dean can’t lose him because of it.

“Dean…” Sam’s voice draws him out of his thoughts. Dean notices that his arm is slowly raising, pointing to something behind Dean.

“Hey Sammy,” Dean tells him, trying to get him to stop moving. “Don’t get up Sammy, just relax.”

“Dean, look” He is pointing towards the sky and Dean wrenches his gaze away to see what Sam is trying to show him.

Dean can’t believe his eyes. Hundreds of fireballs, falling through the sky, falling towards the Earth. Something he never thought he would see in his lifetime. It takes him a minute before he realizes Sam is talking again.

“Dean, what’s happening?” Sam says weakly.

“The Angels…” Dean tries to keep looking up through the rain, unable to tear his gaze away from what is happening. “They’re…”

“Falling,” Cas finishes the sentence, sinking to his knees on the ground on Dean’s other side. “They are all falling… All of heaven…” He sounds so defeated…

“We need to get out of here…” Dean mumbles to no one in particular. “We need to leave. Now!” He finally manages to look away from the site, and see that Sam has passed out. Grabbing under his arms again, he gets him off the ground and angles him away from the car enough to get the passenger door open. Dean maneuvers him into the Impala, shutting the door, almost grateful for all the weight training he's done over the years. 

“Crowley…” Dean mumbles to himself as he looks back at the church. He walks to the trunk of the car and opens it, checking on the Demon’s Trap on the inside hood to make sure it’s still intact. When he’s positive it will do its job, he starts heading back for the opening of the church.

“Dean…” Dean curses, pissed he forgot about Cas, whose weak voice makes his heart wrench. Dean takes the few steps required to go over to where he is still kneeling on the ground, watching all his brethren falling. He stands in front of Cas, breaking his gaze.

“We need to leave Cas, please. I need to get you both out of here, and somehow manage to get Crowley in the car.” Dean sounds angry. After everything Cas has put him through lately, he still hates that he sounds angry with him, but it’s the only way Dean knows how to get him to snap out of it. “Now you can either go sit in the car with Sam, or you can help me drag the sonofabitch out here and stuff him in the trunk.” 

His heart breaks as he see Cas trying to process what is going on around him, his blue eyes cloudy and darting all over the place. Before he can even answer, Dean stands next to him and pulls him up, wrapping one of his arms around his shoulders to support his weight better. 

“I’m going to put you in the car buddy. Please, don’t watch the sky anymore.” Dean's voice softens as he leads Cas over to the car and opens the door to the back of the Impala. He gently gets him to sit down on the back seat. “Just… Stay here.”

“Where would I go Dean…” He face, pained and broken, turns to look up at Dean. “Heaven is… It’s closed. They are all gone… My friends, my brothers and sisters... They are all here on earth now. I have NO ONE TO GO BACK TO!” He shouts the last words, but his voice breaks, betraying how he really feels. “And besides, my Grace is GONE Dean. Metatron has it, and I used the last of my powers to even make it here to YOU. So I ask you again: Where would I even go Dean!?”

Dean stares down at Cas’ broken form, trying to figure out what is the most important thing to do right now, feeling more lost as the minutes tick by. Cas, Sam, and Crowley, all broken and needing him. “I’ll be back,” he tells Cas, grabbing and squeezing his shoulder to show that he cares. “And then we’ll leave and find somewhere to lie low for a little while, ok?” He asks softly.

Cas doesn’t say anything, but he finally looks away from the sky, head dropping to look at the floor of the Impala instead, and Dean turns to walk back into the church.

“What’s been going on?” Crowley asks once he hears Dean’s boots hitting on the hard wood.

“Change of plans, we’re heading out.” Dean walks over to Crowley and unlocks the chains from the floor. Grabbing the chain that’s connected to the manacle around his neck, he grabs his arm and pulls him to his feet. “We need to leave. Now. So don’t give me any shit, because you still can’t smoke out. Now, are you going to play nice, or do I need to shove you into the trunk again?”

“Well, it’s like you said,” Crowley's voice is quiet, unsure. “I can’t go anywhere anyways.” 

There’s something different about him. Even though Sam did not finish the trial, Crowley isn’t what he used to be… Dean nods his head and they both head back outside into the mud and rain. He takes him to the other side of the car, opposite from Cas, and opens the back door. Crowley manages to get himself into the car without too much difficulty. The chains rattle against the floor of the car, a soft metallic sound that contrasts with the sound of the rain pattering on the roof. 

Looking to the sky one last time, Dean sees that most of the angels have stopped falling; there are only a few fireballs left. Opening the driver side door, he climbs in behind the wheel and starts the car. He tries to think of what Sam and him passed on their way up here, and finally think of where the little town they passed is. 

“Dean…” Sam starts to stir, and tries to turn to look at him. 

“Hey Sammy, don’t worry about it,” Dean says to him. “I’m going to get you out of here and everything will be ok.”

He looks at him with pained eyes before passing back out again. Dean looks in the mirror behind him and sees that Cas has fallen asleep, a sight that is so foreign to him; he files it away to think about later. “Guess it’s just you and me Crowley.”

“Don’t count on it Squirrel,” Crowley mutters before laying his head against the windowpane. “Just because I don’t need sleep, doesn’t mean that I won’t.” And with that, he watches as Crowley closes his eyes and seems to settle in for a long ride.

“This is just great. A car full of people, all with something seriously wrong with them, and I’m the sane one.” Sighing, Dean throws Baby into reverse and turns around. Driving down the long driveway that leads back to the main road becomes so much of a challenge, he isn’t left with much room to think of anything else. Surprisingly, hitting the numerous potholes he can’t see, does not wake anyone up and Dean is left with a mostly silent car.

He finally makes his way back to the main road without doing too much damage, and inches out onto the slick road. The headlights glare off of the water on the blacktop as he makes his way in what he thinks is the direction of the nearest town. The endless forests seem to follow him and grow darker as he drives, almost like there is something chasing him. He starts to wonder what is going on with Sam. And Cas. He still cannot wrap his head around the idea that Cas is sleeping. He tries to think about the angels, and how they were falling all around, but Cas couldn’t have fallen. He came to them when Dean told him to, so he still had some juice…

He said something about Metatron though, and how his Grace was gone. How could it be gone if he managed to Angel-poof over to the church? Resigning to puzzle it all out later, Dean tries to think about what is going on with Sam and what he could possibly do. Of course, Dean know that he doesn’t know how bad of shape he is really in. Sighing, Dean turns the music on so it blocks out his thoughts, but makes sure it is not loud enough to wake anyone up, and continues driving until he reaches a small town.

It doesn’t take Dean long to find a motel in the town, and he parks the Impala in a random spot away from the check-in building. And away from all the lights. No need for people to start wondering why there are three passed out, grown ass men in his car. Heading inside, he notices that there is a vending machine, and decides to get a couple bottles of water on his way back outside to have on hand. 

“What can I do for you?” The lady behind the counter asks with a smile. Her brown hair reflects as much of the dingy light as it can, framing a rounded face with perfect brown eyes.

Once, that would have completely turned him on and he would have been all over it before the girl could even blink.

“Uh, just a room. Double if you can.” Dean mutters as he pulls out his wallet, looking down at the counter.

“Alright, let me just get you a key.” She turns around to look at a rack of keys before pulling one off of a hook and turning back to face him. She sits the key down and starts typing away at the computer in front of her. “Can you just sign in for me? There’s a clock on the wall behind me if you need to know what time it is as well.”

Dean grabs a pen and starts to sign the name that matches the credit card in front of him, looking up to check the time as he finishes the last name. He is only slightly startled to see it is three in the morning. 

“Any idea as to how many days you will want the room?” She asks with a smile again. Her voice, soft and cheerful, makes Dean again thankful that not everyone has to grow up in this life.

“Uh, let’s just make it a few days… Three?” Dean rattles off a random number, unsure of how long he may end up staying here. He figures he can always get it for more days later if he has to. “Also, are there any town maps I might be able to take?”

“Sure, they are right next to the vending and ice machines on your way out. There are a couple of brochures if you want to look at anything else.” She swipes the card and waits a minute for the machine to authorize the purchase. He runs his hands through his hair, trying not to look utterly beaten and impatient. He tries not to let it show, but she must have guessed anyways. She quickly hands his card and receipt back, only saying a few parting words before waving him off.

Dean grabs a town map on his way out, and walks to the car with the water bottles in his hands. Setting them on the hood of the car, he opens the door and grabs the bottles again, placing them inside before getting in the car and driving over to the door that has their room number on it. Once there, he turns off the car and sits.

Dean sits in silence for a few minutes, surrounded by the sound of three people breathing while they sleep. He decides that he’s going to put Crowley in the trunk for sheer lack of ability to watch three people at one time. Sam will definitely get a bed, and most likely Cas, which leaves him wondering if there is going to be at least a comfortable chair in the room. Sighing, he pulls the keys out of the ignition and gets out of the car.

Dean yanks Crowley’s door open, catching him before he falls on his face.

“The bloody hell was that for?” He spits. Saying nothing, Dean grabs him by the cuffs around his wrists and yanks him out of the car. Dragging Crowley behind him, he walks them both to the back of the car and unlocks the trunk, ignoring the endless stream of obscenities that pour from Crowley's mouth.

“Look Crowley, just get in the trunk.” His voice sounds deadly calm, even to him, and Crowley stops talking to really look at him. “Just get in. Please.”

“Fine, but don’t you dare think I’m going to stay there for however long it takes for Moose and Trenchcoat Baby to get better. I’ll find a way out, just wait and see.” His voice is low and calm as well, a hint of danger lacing through his words. Looking again at the trunk, Dean watches as his shoulders fall and his eyes scan the space. “At least old cars have big asses.” He climbs in, and Dean shuts the trunk lid on him once he see his is in an acceptable position.

“Sam next…” he mutters to himself. Walking around the car, he decides it would be a good idea to unlock the motel room first so he doesn’t have to try and do it while dragging his giant of a brother next to him. He pokes his head inside just to make sure the room is empty and that there are two beds, before walking back to the car and opening the front passenger side door. 

Somehow managing to open the door and not drop Sam, Dean pulls Sam's arm up and around his shoulder, trying to support his weight and get him the rest of the way out of the car at the same time. It is times like this that have Dean wishing he was still the taller one... Grunting, he heaves one last time and gets Sam sort of on his feet.

“Dean…” Sam mumbles, trying to raise his head.

“I got you Sammy. We’re just going to walk into this room and then you can get some sleep.” Dean tells him, talking more for his own benefit than Sam’s. 

“Dean… It hurts… Fire…” His words slur together, his face a mix of pain and exhaustion. Dean tells self to just keep walking and he finally gets him close enough to the bed closets to the door that he can lay him on it. Gently setting him down, he picks his legs up and places them on the bed. Sam's hand finds Dean's wrist as he starts to walk away, fingers ghosting on his skin.

“Dean please…” he begs.

“I’m trying Sammy. Please try and get some sleep for a little while. I need to go get Cas out of the car so just try and sleep.” His eyes find Dean’s for a few seconds, and it looks like he nods before letting go and closing his eyes. “I’m right here Sammy so just hold on. I’ll figure this out.”

Dean watches his chest slowly start to fall into a rhythm as he falls asleep, and his face finally relaxes. Sighing, Dean runs his hand over his head, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that’s building in his stomach. It’s too much for one person, but all he can do is keep going. It’s all he’s ever been able to do...

Setting his shoulders straight again, Dean walks out of the room and goes back to the Impala. Cas is awake now and looks up at him as he opens the door. His eyes still give a sense of being lost and Dean's heart aches for what has happened to him.

“Come on, let’s go inside. There’s another bed for you to get some sleep on.” Dean mumbles, grabbing his arm gently to help him get out of the car.

“Dean, I don’t sleep.” His gruff voice is barely loud enough to hear.

“Yeah, well now you do apparently.” He looks at Dean, confusion written across his face. “You slept the whole drive over here. So now you’re going to go in there and get some more sleep.”

Instead of arguing, Cas nods and lets Dean lead him into the motel room. He sighs as he looks into the room, but doesn’t say anything. Dean gets him to slip off the trench coat and the suit coat before he sits on the edge of the bed.

“I’m going to hang these up and you are going to drink this,” Dean says, handing him one of the bottles of water. “Don’t argue, just do it.” Cutting off Cas before he can even say anything.

Dean walks over to the tiny closet that these motels always have, and takes out a couple hangers. He places each coat on one, and then tosses his own jacket up onto the top shelf. He steps into the bathroom and turns on the tap, letting the water run down the drain. Placing his hands onto the side of the cheap sink, he watches the water run and sighs, trying to let get his thoughts to stop racing, even for a few moments. It isn’t long though before he’s splashing water on his face and wiping it off with one of the towels.

He turns the tap off and walks out of the bathroom to see Cas still sitting on the edge of the bed. He notices that the water is half gone, so he says nothing as he walks out of the motel back to the car. He decides that he is just going to go out and get his gun, so he doesn’t have to deal with Crowley to get to anything else.

“DEAN!!!”

Dean’s head whips around, hearing his name screamed in such panic, fear, and pain that he almost trips trying to run back inside the room. He expects to see Sam screaming in pain, but instead it’s Cas. It’s only after he gets inside that his brain registers it was Cas’ voice he heard. 

Dean finds Cas on his elbows and knees on the ground, screaming in pain. His hands wrap around his head, fingers clutching at his own hair as he continues to scream. Dean stands stunned, not knowing what to do, unable to move.

“Dean! Dean help me!” Cas’ voice pulls him out of his mind, and he rushes over to Cas.

“Cas, what’s happening? Tell me what’s wrong!” Dean coaxes his hands away from his head, trying to ignore the clumps of hair that come away in his fingers. “Come on Cas, you gotta tell me something.”

“My back.. It’s on fire. Dean.. Make it stop!” The words sound forced, pained, like every word hurts.

“Ok Cas. I need you to sit up a bit then. Come on, a little farther.” Dean gets him to sit up enough that he can lean him against his chest and start unbuttoning his shirt. “Here, can you pull off your tie? We need to get these off so I can see what’s going on with your back.” Cas nods, hands already reaching for the knot at his neck with shaky and jittery hands.

Dean finishes the buttons on his shirt and gives it a yank so it comes untucked, along with the undershirt. The tie falls to the floor between them and Dean maneuvers Cas into a different position so he can slip the shirt from his arms. 

“ARGGGG DEAN PLEASE!” Cas screams again, clutching Dean’s arm before doubling over in pain again. 

“Come on, let’s get you on the bed, ok Cas? And then we can figure out what’s wrong.” Dean keeps talking, not really knowing if Cas is even listening to him as he pick him off the floor. Cas’ legs barely want to hold his own weight, so Dean has to half carry him the three feet it takes to get back to the bed. He lays him on his stomach, and Cas buries his face in a pillow, shoulders hunched, muscles tense.

“Just stay there, I’m going to go check out the room, there might be a hex bag or something in here.” Dean tells him. Cas tries to say something to him but it only comes out in another scream of pain. Dean runs into the bathroom and starts tearing it apart, looking in any place that would be small enough to fit one of those damn bags.

“Dean!” Cas yells again, but he keeps looking. Not finding anything in the bathroom, he runs back into the main part of the room and starts looking in the closet. 

“Dean, it’s not… witches!” Cas manages to say through clenched teeth. Dean looks back over at him and see that he is twisted around to look at him. “My… Wings.” 

Hearing those two words makes Dean’s body stop and his brain kicks into overdrive, thinking of all the events of the last few hours. Cas saying his Grace was gone, watching the angels fall, their wings striping away from their bodies as they got closer to the ground. Cas never said anything about falling, only that his Grace was gone. It must have happened before the Fall started, which means…

“You still have your wings?” Dean asks him, stunned. His voice comes out softly, barely audible, yet Cas has always been able to hear Dean.

“Yes, but there is something... wrong…” He grunts out the words, trying to make Dean understand. Dean watches as his back spasms and he screams again, face burying back down into the pillow as his body tries to curl in on itself, instinct making him want to protect himself.

Dean goes back over to him, trying to figure out what needs to be done. He looks over at Sam, the one out of them that always seems to know what to do and sees that he is still sleeping, even though Cas has been screaming. 

“Ok Cas, you gotta help me out.” He coaxes. “Give me an idea, I want to help but you need to let me know what I can do.” 

He starts to lift his head again, but before he can say anything, his back spasms again, and this time the skin on his back starts to bulge near his shoulders. 

“Are those…?” Dean watches in horror as the bulges grow bigger and start to break through the skin. Little points rip through, blood coating them. Blood trickles away from where the points are showing, and he watches red make trails down Castiel's back and to his ribs.

“Dean…” Cas is panting now, unable to catch his breath as the spasms come quicker. He watches as another one hits and the points push out even farther. Dean starts to notice that under all the blood, the points are black and sharp as knives.

“Cas, what are those?” Dean asks in horror. He never gets an answer, but he doesn’t really need one.

The spasms grow closer together, until Cas is constantly screaming in pain, back muscles completely clenched. The slits start to grow longer and wider as his wings continue to force their way out of his back. Black feathers dripping in red blood, around two feet long, start to show before the spasms break off. The blood turns into the streams of blood along Cas’ back, and as his screams die away to whimpers, Dean forces himself to get up and walks into the bathroom to grab all of the towels he can, and fills the ice bucket with warm water.

Once back at Castiel’s side, Dean dips one of the hand towels into the water, and tries to wash off some of the blood from his back. Cas is still whimpering and breathing hard, but his shoulders start to relax the more they are washed.

“It’s going to be ok Cas. I may not know what is going on anymore, but I can promise, it’s going to be ok.” Dean doesn’t know if Cas really hears the words he’s saying, but he continues to talk as he washes his back off. The feathers constantly drip onto the back of his hand, staining them red. A few feathers glisten, already free of blood, and they shine even in the low lighting of the room. They are the longer feathers, and though they are still not completely showing, they are beautiful to look at. In a grotesque sort of way. 

“What…” Cas’ voice shakes Dean away from his thoughts. “What color… are they?” He struggles to say the words, almost as if he is just trying to ignore the pain in his back.

“The feathers?” Dean realizes that there is in fact something wrong with the color of these feathers. Aren’t most angel wings white? Are his black because he rebelled? He decides to tell him the truth since they will be long enough for him to see eventually. “They’re uh.. They’re black Cas.” Dean tells him, waiting to see what his response will be.

Surprisingly, he smiles. He even laughs a little, and shifts on the bed. Dean lets him finish laughing and catch his breath as he goes change the water in the ice bucket. 

“Are they really black Dean?” He asks as Dean walks over to check on Sam again. He’s still asleep, so he sits back on the ground, taking his place next to Cas.

“Yeah, sorry buddy, they are. Course, that’s not counting the places where they are dripping red still.” Dean tries to joke.

“Do not be sorry Dean. I was hoping that they would be that color.” His voice sounds surprisingly light-hearted and Dean sits in confusion. Why would he be happy his wings are black?

“I never did tell you what the color of an angel’s wings mean did I?” He pulls his head away from the pillow to look at Dean, only slightly panting now. Dean shakes his head no, catching Cas' blue-eyed gaze. “I’ll have to tell you about that sometime then.” He whispers.

“Yeah I guess you will. Hey, earlier you mentioned that there was something wrong when I asked about you still having your wings.” Cas nods his head, letting Dean know he remembers the conversation. “So other than there now being two feet of wings poking from your back, wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Well, when angels are in their vessels, their wings never fully manifest because of their Grace. You can only see the shadow of them, and not the tangible thing.” He takes a deep breath, wincing slightly as his back moves more than is comfortable. “But now that my Grace is gone, I can no longer leave this vessel and there is nothing holding my wings in a different plane anymore. It’s hard to explain.. However, there is no reason for them to be forming the way that they are. They should not be able to emerge from a vessel.” He is panting now, and while Dean is still slightly confused, he thinks he understands the gist of what is going on.

“So what the hell is going on now?”

Cas shakes his head, looking as confused as Dean feels. “I honestly do not know Dean…”

“Could it possibly have something to do with the spell Metatron cast?” Dean asks, digging through what they already know to find a reason. “Since you were already here on Earth, could this just be how your Angel-self is handling things?”

“Well, since I have no Grace, I am not really an Angel anymore.” He starts to turn his head away, but instead looks past Dean. He doesn’t want him to see the pain he feels, but even if Dean could not see his eyes, the pain would still be noticeable; it is wafting off of him in waves. “It is possible Metatron has something to do with it. He is the one who sent me back and he could have done something during that time.”

“Man, I really wish I could kick his ass right now.” Dean mumbles under his breath.

“Somehow, I don’t think that would help.” A smile starts to tug at Cas’ lips as he looks Dean in the eyes again.

“So they’re really black?” He asks again of his feathers. Dean nods in response and Cas’ face breaks out into a full smile. “That’s.. Good. That is really good.” He cranes his neck trying to see them, but winches as his skin and muscles pull the skin on his back.

“So what’s going to happen with your wings?” Dean ponders out loud. “I mean, are you just going to be a walking human with giant black wings or what? Because if that’s the case, we will have to get you a bigger coat.” When he smiles, Dean warms a little on the inside, but watch as the smile slowly slides off of his face.

“I honestly do not know what will happen. I have never heard of this occurring before.” He tries to hide it, but Dean picks up the sadness in his voice and knows that no matter what does end up happening, it is not going to be good.

“Hey,” Dean touches his arm gently, getting his attention away from whatever thoughts he is having. “Look, we are just going to have to take this one step at a time, ok?” 

Cas pulls his arm away and instead grabs Dean’s hand and holds it in his. Dean feels his face grow hot, not knowing why, and he strokes the edge of Cas’ fingers with his thumb without really knowing he is. “I’m not going anywhere Cas. Not without you and Sammy sitting in that car with me. We’ll figure something out.” He gently squeezes his hand and starts to pull away when Cas starts squeezing back.

“Thank you Dean,” he whispers, looking down at their hands.

Dean looks down at their hands too, wondering what is going through his mind. They sit in silence for a few minutes, still holding onto each other. Cas suddenly starts squeezing slightly harder, and not thinking much about it, Dean does too. When he continues to though, hard enough to start to twinge, Dean tries to pull my hand away.

“Uh Cas?” he says, his voice filled with nervous laughter. “You might wanna stop before you break my hand.” Chuckling slightly he looks back down at Cas’ face and realizes his head is turned back down into the pillow, his breathing hard and ragged again. It is only then that he realizes that while he has been thinking, Cas’ back started having spasms again.

“Cas, it’s going to be ok, come on Cas,” Dean whispers, still trying to pull his hand away, his fingers losing feeling as Cas’ grip continues to tighten. “Castiel, look at me.” Dean commands.

“It’s worse Dean, so much worse!” He moans into the pillow. “Please Dean, please make it stop..”

Dean wishes he could; he wishes there was something he could do to help his angel. Finally managing to pull his hand free, he reaches for the cloth and starts gently massaging Cas’ back. “I know it hurts buddy. It will be over soon.”

After a few minutes, his wings still haven’t grown any longer and Dean starts to get worried. Cas breathes harder every minute, his back heaving with the effort and shaking from the spasms. Dean continues to talk to him the whole time, trying to get his mind off of what is going on, not really knowing if he is even listening. Maybe he’s just talking for his own benefit. 

Lost in his own thoughts, Dean is taken aback when Cas abruptly whips his head towards him. “Get. Sam… On the floor... Now!” He speaks haltingly.

“Cas..? What..?” Dean tries to form a question, but before he can, Cas is pushing him away towards the bed Sam is on.

“Get… him on the floor.. NOW!” Cas shouts, loud enough to make Dean’s instincts kick in.

He jumps over the bed, grabbing Sam by the shoulders when he lands and uses his momentum to pull him off of the bed and slide him to the floor. Ducking on his knees, Dean looks up quickly to see that Cas has fallen off of the bed he was on and is kneeling between the two beds. He grabs the side table with his hands, fingers digging into the faux wood, making it creak.

“Cas!” Dean starts to rise, wanting to run to him. Wanting to protect him.

“Stay there Dean!” His voice sounds pained and raw. He turns towards Dean, fear in his eyes, his pupils surrounded by more white than should be possible. “Stay there, I don’t want to hurt y-“

Dean watches as he stops midsentence to throw his head back. He see his mouth open, eyes shut tight, and notices his back spasms and clenches, faster and faster. No noise comes from his mouth, but it stays open in a silent scream of anguish.

“Cas!”


	2. Chapter 2

“Cas!” Dean’s voice breaks as he calls out to him. His back continues to spasm, until it is becoming more and more clenched. Soon, only the muscles around his shoulders continue to spasm, and just when Dean doesn’t think he can stay kneeling here any longer, Cas arches forwards and finally releases a loud, heart-stopping scream.

Dean’s world freezes, a moment suspended in time. His brother is lying next to him, still knocked out, even after everything that has gone on. The King of Hell is in the trunk of his car, planning who knows what for after he gets out. And Cas. Back covered in blood, voice gone ragged from the scream that still rips itself from his throat. Cas, his face no longer able to mask the pain and terror he feels as two black wings rip themselves from his flesh. Dean, frozen, unable to help anyone, unable to do anything other than try and piece his family back together, again and again. His heart stops as he watches Cas, time slowly starting to move again.

He throws his arm over his face, trying to protect it from the sharp feathers that start slicing through the air and ducks down next to Sam. His hearing starts to work again and he listens as Cas' scream becomes more intense and starts to sound less human. His scream is turning into an angel scream, something that shouldn't even be possible anymore.

Knowing there is nothing he can do to protect myself once it becomes a full on angel cry, Dean rises up from his crouch and leaps over the bed. He somehow manages to pull Cas away from the side table, where his fingers have made gouges in the wood and fit himself in between the table and Cas. He grabs Cas by the back of the head, and pulls it slowly towards his chest, resting it against him as he wraps his other arm around Cas, pulling him even closer. His ears and head ache from the sound of Cas’ cry, but he knows he’ll die anyways if he can’t get Cas to stop.

"Cas…" Dean starts to murmur to him, not even sure if he can hear him. "Cas, I'm here. I know it hurts, but it's going to be ok Cas." He keeps murmuring to him, slowly running his hand over his lower back, rubbing small circles against his flesh.

In a short while, Cas’ scream starts to sound normal again, more human. Even that starts to die off as Dean continues to talk and rub his back. It isn't long before the only noise that is coming from him is the sound of shaky, rattling breaths, ones that only come when you're broken and beaten.

Neither of them tries to get up, the only movements are them breathing and Dean’s hand continuing to make circles on his back. Dean is afraid to try and move Cas, not knowing how bad he really is, but he is also afraid of the blood loss. His breath, still quick and ragged, is warm against Dean’s neck. Dean rests his chin gently on the top of his head, waiting for Cas to realize he is there. Slowly, Cas’ breathing becomes less ragged and Dean wonder if it's because he is adjusting to the pain, or if the pain is starting to die down. Dean stares at the wall in front of him, ignoring the hulking black shapes that demand his attention. He only wants to look at Cas and know that he is ok.

Cas starts to stir beneath me. He head rubs against Dean’s chest and Dean notices that his shirt feels wet. Looking down, he see deep blue eyes staring back up at him, red rimmed and tired looking. Dean's eyes trail over the rest of his face and see the tear streaked cheeks, the spilt lips, and how he looks so pale…

"Hey Cas," Dean whispers, smiling slightly. "How you doing?"

Cas shakes his head, hair brushing against my chin as he answers the question.

"Wanna try and move on to the bed.?" Dean gently asks, wanting to get him off of the floor and into a more comfortable position.

Cas sighs. As Dean waits to see what his answer will be, he turns his thoughts to Sam and starts to wonder what is really wrong with him. What those trials might have done to him… He already knows he was hiding something like always. Hopefully it is nothing too serious…

Dean loses himself in his thoughts of Sam until Cas starts to move beneath him again. His head shifts and he pulls back slightly, only enough so he can look up at Dean.

"Dean.." he says weakly.

"Come on Angel-boy. Let's get you on the bed, ok?" Dean stares into his blue eyes as he nods slowly.

Dean ties to stand up without jostling Cas too badly. Once he can stand, he stands next to Cas and bends down to him. With one hand under where his wings stick out, he puts his other arm under Cas’ legs and lifts. Once Cas is in Dean’s arms, Cas wraps one of his arms around Dean, gripping his shirt. Dean feels one of his wings brush his left shoulder as the other one hangs limply in front of them, dragging against the floor.

Dean can't help it. He cradles Cas to his chest, holding him tight as he leans back, balancing out the weight. His head is lying against Dean’s chest, and Dean notices that it fits perfectly in an area close to his shoulder. As he holds him, Dean feels how warm Cas’ back is against his hand and arm, and notices that his back is sticky from all of the blood and sweat.

 

(Image Credit: [Euclase](http://euclase.tumblr.com/))

 

Without saying anything to him, Dean carries Cas into the bathroom of the motel room and gently lays him in the surprisingly nice tub. He reaches down and pulls off Cas’ pants, shoes, and socks, throwing them behind him somewhere in the bathroom. Cas’ wings seem to settle themselves into a place that is comfortable and Dean is almost a little surprised before he remembers Cas is probably used to doing these things instinctively.

Dean turns on the hot water, and as it starts to fill the tub, he goes back to the room and over to where Sam is still lying on the floor. He manages to pull him up and get him back on the bed, breathing a small sigh of relief when he hears that he is snoring softly. He even mumbles a bit about pigs as Dean covers him with a blanket.

Going back to the bathroom, Dean rolls his sleeves up before deciding to just take the long and short sleeved shirts off: They're just going to get sopping wet anyways and they're already covered in blood. Cas is leaning back against the edge of the tub, eyes closed, letting the water run over him. His wings wrap around the edges of the tub, with pools of blood beneath them. They have finally stopped dripping and are now glistening in the even poorer lighting of the bathroom.

"You awake Cas?" Dean asks as he bends down next to the tub. Cas nods, eyes still closed.

“This tub is cold…” Cas says, a small smile tugging at his lips. He seems to sink further into the tub, getting to a more relaxed position.

Dean smiles gently and reaches over to turn off the water. "Is the water warm enough for you?" he tries to keep Cas talking, not really wanting him to fall asleep just yet.

"It's fine Dean…" His head turns towards Dean and he opens his eyes slightly. "Although, I am not really sure what I'm doing in a…” He stops, searching for the right word, not wanting to sound anymore weird than he already does half the time. “tub? full of water anyways…" Dean chuckles softly.

"Well, you are just going to sit there and try to relax." Dean reaches behind himself to grab a cup from off the counter. "I, however, am going to try and clean you up a bit. You're covered in sweat and blood and we probably shouldn't lay you on the bed. I don't want to have to pay for new bedding." Cas’ smile grows and he even tries to laugh before groaning, face scrunched up.

Trying not to show too much worry on his face in case Cas starts watching again, Dean gets up and walks over to sit behind Cas. He gets him to lean forward a bit so he can clean his back off, and feels the feathers of Cas’ wings brush against him; they rustle softly as they rearrange themselves to accommodate his new position in the tub.

Dean stretches down into the tub to fill the cup up with water and slowly pours it down Cas’ back around his left shoulder. The water runs pink and starts to color the water in the tub. Cas groans softly as the warm water runs over the wounds created by his wings. Dean runs water over the left side a few more times, and then the right side, watching the water in the tub as it continues to turn pink.

Dean grabs the bar of soap that all motels seem to supply and rubs it in his own hands after getting it wet, covering them in soap bubbles.

"This is going to sting Cas…" he warns before reaching to grab his shoulder in his hands. “It has to be done though, or else these wounds are going to get infected." He waits for Cas to nod his understanding, watching as he pulls his hands out of the water and grips the side of the tub. "I'll be as gentle as I can…" He says softly.

"It's ok Dean, I'm ready." Cas tells him as he takes a deep breath.

Dean takes a deep breath as well and slowly starts to rub Cas’ back with his soap covered hands. Cas’ breath catches as the soap starts to run into the wounds, but Dean continues to wash, his hands turning pink from Cas' blood. He knows that he is hurting him and he tries not to think about it because he just can't handle it. Dean blocks out his own thoughts, and only concentrates on what he has to do right now.

As Dean starts to get to near where the wings actually protrude, he realizes he can see all the way down to the bone and wonders if he should stich those up after cleaning them. He feels Cas' muscles clench underneath his hands and tries to block out the sounds of pain that issue from his mouth. Cas’ grunts start to turn to whimpers before he even finishes cleaning around the left wing and Dean just tries to ignore it all but instead feels like his heart is being wrenched from his chest.

The whimpers, the tremors, the clenched back and arm muscles…

He just keeps telling himself that if he doesn’t do this, Cas will only get worse in the long run.

He can't even think about what he would do then. If Cas was lying on one bed, Sam the other, and both of them so far gone... He knows can help Cas; this is something he can do. He doesn't know how to help Sam, so he just washes Cas’ back.

His whimpers turn to cries. Dean’s heart breaks. His vision starts to go blurry and when he blinks, his face feels wet.

Dean finishes the left side and cannot bring himself to move to the right side. His hands are stained with even more red. Before his mind can tell him to stop, his pants are off and he’s climbing into the tub around Cas, a leg on each side of him, arms wrapping around his chest. Dean’s tears drip on to Cas’ neck as he tries to pull Cas softly closer, wanting to feel his weight leaning against him, wanting to stop the shudders that are still racking through his body.

Dean unwraps one of his arms and reaches out to where Cas’ hand is still gripping the edge of the tub. He gently pries his fingers out of their death grip, and instead laces them with his own. Cas grips his hand tightly, and Dean grips back just as tight, wrapping his arm back around Cas, only now it is intertwined with Cas’ own arm.

Cas starts to lean back against Dean, his other hand dropping into the water, almost as if he is just now realizing Dean is really there. Dean supports him as Cas almost collapses against him. Dean is surprised when he fits almost perfectly between his wings and feels the soft brush of some feathers against his skin. His breath catches as Dean feels Cas’ shudders increase.

"It's going to be ok Cas," Dean whispers to him. "Everything is going to be ok…"

Castiel continues to shudder and cry while Dean holds him and Dean continues to whisper to him. Eventually, drops stop landing on Dean’s arms and his shudders die down to shakes. His grip loosens slightly on Dean’s hand, but he does not let go. Dean places his chin in the area between Cas’ neck and shoulder as Cas leans his head against Dean’s own shoulder.

"Dean, you have to do the other one…" His breath tickles Dean's chin. His voice is full of pain, and even though Dean does not want to hurt him anymore, he knows it’s the right thing to do.

"Yeah, I know I do." Dean tells him. "Let's just.. I want you to take it easy for a bit, ok?"

Dean say this out of selfishness, not wanting to hurt Cas anymore. He doesn't want his heart to hurt anymore from seeing Cas hurt. Not that he wants to see anyone else hurt him. He just doesn't think he can stomach hurting him anymore.

"Dean, please. Just… get it over with." Cas’ gruff voice breaks Dean’s thoughts and he sighs.

Dean grudgingly lets go of Cas’ hand and Cas leans forward again to grip the tub. Dean grabs the bar of soap again and start to wash the other shoulder. Dean doesn't think about his red hands getting redder. He doesn't think about the shudders beneath his hands or that he can see even more bone around this wing. He doesn't listen to the cries that are louder this time and come closer together.

He is screaming and Dean’s hands are as red as the water they both sit in.

Dean’s reaches around Cas to drain the water from the tub and watches as it swirls around them. Once the water is all gone, he reaches for the warm water tap and twists it on. The tub slowly fills with warm water again, and Dean tries to focus solely on the water rising around them.

As the water gets higher, Cas seems to relax slowly, and eventually starts to lean back against Dean again. Dean buries his face against Cas’ neck as he grabs for Dean’s hands, holding them in his own. Once the water gets high enough, he reaches forward to turn the tap off, and grabs Cas’ hand again, wrapping his arms around him. Cas leans his head back against Dean, but Dean keeps his face buried against him.

"Dean, please don't cry." Cas tells him. Dean didn't know he was even crying. He shakes his head.

Dean’s heart hurts.

He knows Cas is speaking, but all he can hear are the screams that were ripped from his lips only a few minutes ago. Screams that he caused so much like screams Dean caused years ago. Dean’s tears gather on Cas’ shoulder, running down his chest as they soak in the clean warm water. He grips Dean’s hands tight, the ones that were just causing him so much pain and he holds them like he never wants to let go.

"Please Dean," He turns towards Dean and Dean can feel his breath against his ear. Cas’ words send shivers down his spine. His nose nuzzles Dean’s ear and more shivers run through him. One of Dean’s hands is now empty as Cas reaches up and cups the side of his face. "I'm going to be ok, remember?"

Cas moves his hand from Dean’s cheek to the back of his head and starts to play with the hair at the base of his neck. Without even thinking about it, Dean presses his lips to Cas’ shoulder, tasting the salt from his own tears. He places kisses all along his shoulder, wanting to feel more of his soft skin beneath his lips.

He can't get enough, so Dean gently pushes Cas' head to the side with his head and presses his lips to the skin of his neck. Dean feels the blood pounding through the veins that his lips find and he runs his tongue across the veins, nipping the skin gently with his teeth. Cas pushes back against Dean, using the hand he still has twisted in his hair to hold him in place against his neck. Dean pours out all the sorrow he has for hurting him in those kisses and nips, wanting Cas to know that he never wanted to hurt him.

Dean never even realizes what he is doing, he just knows it feels right. It feels right to push his lips against Cas’ skin.

His lips move up to Cas’ jaw, teeth still nipping occasionally, and his tongue flicks out to lick his skin. He moves up to his ear and starts sucking on the lobe, gently biting it and is surprised when he hears a moan escape from Cas' lips. With that moan, Dean is almost drawn to his lips. His right hand rises out of the water to cup Cas’ cheek, turning his head so it faces his own, and finally capture his lips with his own.

Dean crushes his lips against Cas’, not bothering to be soft and careful. The need he has for him, to know how he feels, grows stronger, and so Dean kisses him hard and rough. Cas follows Dean’s lead, his soft lips hard against Dean’s, both finally letting loose something they have both been holding back. Dean’s hand finds the hair at the back of Cas’ neck and his fingers lace through it, gently tugging and holding him closer at the same time. Cas' hand mimics Dean’s and Dean feels the mixed sensations pour over him.

Cas breaks off for a moment, needing to come up for air, breathing hard as he looks into those deep green eyes before him. Dean stares back just as hard into those blue eyes that seem to be made up of oceans and he feels like he is drowning in them. Realizing that this probably is not the best position for Cas, Dean slowly rises out of the tub, releasing his hold on Cas. The whimper that seems to escape Cas’ lips make him shiver and he feels his eyes flutter shut momentarily. When he opens them back up, he looks down and sees Cas staring at him, eyes raking over his body and Dean realizes that he is still wearing his boxer briefs. His leg shifts and the wet material clings to him even more, outlining his hard erection, and Cas draws in a quick breath.

“Please Dean…” Cas reaches for his human, arm stretching out as far as it can towards Dean. “I need you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Image Credit:


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to update this, been having problems getting where I want to go!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this :)

“Please Dean…” Cas reaches for his human, arm stretching out as far as it can towards Dean. “I need you…”

Not breaking Cas’ gaze, Dean slowly shifts his briefs down his legs, letting the wet material slide to the floor. He slowly walks back over to the tub and steps over the side until he is sitting across from Castiel. Cas pushes back until he is fully leaning against the tub, his wings spreading out and resting along its edges.

Dean slowly moves forward, making sure to place a leg on each side of Cas, straddling him as he leans down to place a soft kiss on Cas’ neck. Cas’ eyelids flutter closed as little sparks jolt through his body from wherever Dean places his lips. As Dean trails up Cas’ neck, his hard cock brushes against Cas’, making both of them jump a little at the touch they are both craving.

Dean pulls away slightly, enough that he can look into those piercing blue eyes and holds their gaze as he reaches down between them with one hand and gently wraps his hand around Castiel’s cock. He watches as Castiel leans his head back, eyes closing and lips parting slightly at the touch.

“Dean…” Cas moans as Dean starts to slowly move his hand up and down over Cas’ cock. “Ahh..”

Dean leans forward again and starts to mouth over Cas’ neck, kissing and biting as he strokes faster over Cas’ cock, the water helping his hand slide easily over the sensitive skin. He sucks on Cas' collar bone, smiling internally at the sound it earns. He starts to flick his tongue over the sensitive skin and finds a place that makes Cas moan with every flick of his tongue.

“Ah.. Dean.. Ahhh…” Dean grunts and starts to rock his hips, craving friction for his own throbbing cock. Water starts to slosh around them, but Dean doesn’t notice as he finally gets the friction he wants when he grabs both of their cocks in his hands and strokes them both, his hips still rocking against Cas'.

He keeps licking Cas’ neck, but the sounds of his moans fill Cas’ ears. Dean pumps faster and Cas starts to squirm. Dean knows that they are both close and finally moves his head so he can capture Cas’ lips in his own, shoving his tongue into Cas’ mouth. The sound of Cas' wings rustling breaks Dean's concentration momentarily. He pulls away and watches the feathers move against each other and notices how Cas' shoulder muscles move slightly as well. The sight dazzles him as he continues to move his hand over his and Cas' cocks. Filled with a need to touch one of the wings and feel the feathers slide against his skin, he pulls one of his hands away and reaches towards a place over Cas' shoulder.

Cas looks up at him, eyes wide with lust, as he realizes what Dean is doing. Before he actually touches the wing, Dean looks down into the blue eyes, asking permission with a raised eyebrow and a small cock of his head. Cas nods slowly, giving his consent, and almost seems to brace himself for what is about to happen. Dean releases a breath he didn't know he was holding in, and finally threads his fingers into the feathers, running his fingers to the soft down underneath the larger, outer feathers; the effect is immediate.

Cas lets out the loudest moan Dean has heard yet, neck arching even farther as his hand twists in Dean's hair even more. Dean continues to stroke the feathers, moving his hand as he finds different places that give different reactions. As he slides his hand closer to where the wing joins with shoulder, Cas cries out. Dean almost pulls his hand away, concerned, but Cas only pulls him down for a crushing kiss, moaning into his mouth as Dean continues to stroke the spot.

The hand in Dean's hair continues to grasp and twist, fingers gently scraping his scalp, while the other white-knuckles the edge of the tub. When he knows that Cas could come at any second, Dean pulls his mouth away and gazes down at Cas. The sight of his angel panting and groaning beneath him sends him over the edge just as Cas opens his eyes to see it happen.

Dean throws his head back as his release courses throughout his entire body, his cum mixing with the water in the tub. Cas soon follows, his eyes closing with a shout ripping from his lips. Dean continues to stroke both of them until they are spent, breathing hard. He tries not to collapse against Cas, some part of his brain reminding him that Cas is still hurt and probably shouldn’t be collapsed against. He leans forward though, his head resting against Cas’ shoulder, his breath washing over Cas’ skin.

“Dean..” Cas whispers. He buries his head against Dean’s neck and they hold on to each other, needing to know that the other is really there.

Dean feels something brush against his skin and raises his head enough to see that they are surrounded by Cas’ wings. The black color still throws Dean off and he realizes that Cas never did tell him why they were that color, but decides he’ll ask again later on.

Cas starts to shiver and Dean breaks away from his thoughts, realizing that the water has gone cold.

“Alright angel boy, time to get you dried off and into bed.” Dean steps out of the tub, pulling the plug on his way out so the water can drain down. He walks back into the main part of the hotel room to grab a couple of towels he did not use earlier and wraps one around his hips after quickly wiping his legs down. He takes the other one and throws it over his shoulder to wipe Cas off with.

Dean manages to grab Cas, one arm around his back under where the wings protrude, and helps lift him out of the tub, placing him on unsteady feet. “You gonna be ok standing for a second?”

Cas closes his eyes and nods, one hand gripping the sink next to him. Dean cautiously lets go and starts to wipe as much of the water off of him as possible. He then wraps the towel around Cas’ hips and returns to holding on to Cas.

They start to walk to the door with Cas on shaky legs. His wings fold up against his back, as much out of the way as they could possibly be in the cramped motel room, but they still drag across the floor and Dean has to try his hardest not to step on them while he helps Cas to walk. They manage to shuffle over to the empty bed and Dean helps Cas lay down on his belly. He pulls the blankets over Cas and goes to check on Sam.

His hair is a mess and his face is gaunt, but he is still snoring. Dean brushes some of the hair out of Sam’s face and decides against waking him up, knowing that the trials took a lot out of him. Looking around, Dean realizes he never brought in any of the bags that hold their clothes, so he goes and looks for his jacket. He grabs the keys and makes sure the towel around his waist is secure before stepping out of the motel.

Unlocking the back door, he opens it and reaches in to pull out the two duffel bags that are stuffed under the back seat. He slings one over his shoulder and places the other one on the ground before shutting the door. Wanting to check on Crowley - but not really wanting to at the same time – Dean takes a few steps towards the back of the Impala and bangs on the trunk.

“Hey, you still alive in there?” Dean yells. No answer. He pounds again. “Crowley! One thump for yes, two for no!”

Dean waits a few seconds, and is about to start pounding again when he hears a muffled rap come from inside the trunk. “Thank you!” He grunts before picking up the second bag and making his way back into the room.

He looks over both beds and notices that Sam and Cas both seem to be resting as peacefully as they can be and he sighs, dropping the bag on the floor. Not even bothering to get dressed, Dean walks over to the chair and table that are set up against one of the walls and finally takes a moment to sit down and just be alone with his thoughts.

“What the hell just happened…” he grumbles to himself, hand running through his hair.

Of all the strange things to happen that day, the one he feels the most confused about is what just happened with Castiel. Sure, they had been close from the get-go, but this? Dean shakes his head trying to get his thoughts to quiet down and organize themselves, but it's like trying to calm a swarm of bees.

Dean’s thoughts shift from confusion to thinking about Cas. The wings, they are something he is going to have to deal with later. However…

Dean couldn’t help thinking about the way Cas felt against him. How he wanted to pull him close and hold him tight. He couldn’t stop thinking about the seemingly permanently ruffled hair, or those eyes that were almost too blue to be real. He had never felt this way about another guy, but Cas… He was different.

Wasn’t he?

Dean squirms, trying to banish those thoughts to other areas of his mind, but they are only replaced by the sounds of Cas’ voice, the deep rumbling sound, and how good it was to hear those moans instead...

Again, Dean shakes himself. This time however, he tries looking at it in a different light.

When did he start to feel attracted towards the angel and not just look at him as a friend? He knew they had always been close, always had issues with personal space, and Cas always seemed more inclined to being around him than any other person, but when did that all change for him? He couldn’t place it. One day, he saw Cas as a friend, as a brother, but now… It was something more, there was no denying that.

And he had acted on it.

And Cas had responded.

Dean sighs softly, finally getting up to throw some clothes on and goes check out the bathroom to see what he can do to make it look less like a crime scene.

As he is picking towels up to be burned later on, he hears rustling coming from the other room. He turns around, mind racing as he thinks of who it could be that is moving. He rushes into the next room, looking over towards Sam’s bed since he has been the one who has been sleeping the longest, and is momentarily worried to see that he is still sleeping.

Dean turns his gaze towards Cas and sees he was still sleeping as well, but his wings are moving, stretching as best as they can in the cramped room. He is amazed by the sight of them and how they find a way to shine no matter what. He can't imagine what they would look like when they are extended to their full length outside in the sunlight...

He walks over to the side of the bed once they settle back down and sits on the edge of it, feeling the mattress dip beneath him. He reaches out, hand trembling slightly, and softly places it against one of Cas’ wings.

The feathers are soft and silky beneath his hand. He runs his hand down the length of the wing, careful to not bend any of the feathers the wrong way. Looking over at Cas, he is happy to see that he is still asleep and that this was not going to wake him up. He continues to stroke his wing, hand slowly moving down it, fingers running through the feathers, and for the first time that night, Dean finally feels his mind slow down, lulled by the simple action.

Dean’s shoulders drop as he feels himself relax and he stretches out on the bed next to Cas on his side so he can continue to stroke the dark feathers..

~*~

Dean jolts awake hours later, the sun streaming into the room through the open curtains, blinding him as he blinks rapidly. He is still lying on the bed next to Cas, his hand resting on the wing he had been stroking when he fell asleep. Automatically, he resumes the motion while his mind tries to piece together the events from previously.

As everything began to fall back into place, he tries to figure out if he should try and wake Sam up, or just let him keep sleeping, allowing his body to do some much needed damage control. His thoughts continue to wander as his hand continues to stroke, but as he makes another pass down the length of the wing, something gives way under his hand.

Dean is jerked away from his thoughts by the unusual feeling and stops his stroking. He looks down towards his hand and realizes that one of the feathers has come loose. Picking it up, he twirls it around in his hand, looking at it from all angles.

It was a large feather and light seemed to just bounce off of it no matter where you looked. There were deep rainbows that shone on the single feather.

Dean is still marveling at the feather when Cas’ voice break him out of his thoughts beside him.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” his voice is quiet and thick, still full of sleep and exhaustion.

“Yeah,” Dean replies, trying not to stare into those deep blue eyes. “Still a little unsettling to me that they are black. You grow up thinking that all angel wings are white, and you seem some that aren’t…” He shrugs to communicate that they could have been any color and it still would have been weird.

“Since no one ever sees our wings, no one really knows what they look like,” Cas reaches out to Dean, moving slow as to not make his back ache any more than it already does.

Dean watches as Cas’ hand wraps around his own until they are both holding on to the feather. Once Cas’ hand makes contact with it, it seems to heat up slightly, as if it recognizes Cas.

“We pride ourselves on our wings,” Cas continues slowly. “Honestly, they mean more to us than our Grace does. They reflect who we really are and what we stand for.” He looks up to Dean, hoping to see something that indicates he understands what he is saying. Dean nods, wanting to hear more. He turns so he is on his side facing him, their hands that are still holding the feather lying between them. He reaches out with his other hand and starts to stroke the wing again, watching as Cas’ eyes half-close at the touch.

When Cas has rested for a few moments, he opens his eyes again and continues:

“When we are young, our wings are white, but only because they reflect the innocence that is in us and the fact that we have not yet started to grow our personalities. We may seem rigid, but not all of us are like that. We are all unique in some way, though it may not be that evident at first glance, especially to humans…

“There are all sorts of colors that our wings can change to, including ones that you cannot even see, Dean. The meanings for them are complicated, but ones that are easy to describe are red wings. They represent those who Father sees as unfit, or those who he has punished. Before the Fall, there were never any red wings, but after my brothers fought against Father and were punished… Well, it was startling. If you had ever seen Lucifer’s wings, they would have been a deep, blood red for all the crimes he committed in our Father’s eyes.

“The rest are too hard to explain…” Cas takes a hard breath, feeling a tightening in his lungs at the thoughts of home. His eyes prick in a way that he has never felt before, but his vessel’s memories supply the idea of crying and homesickness to him. Dean waits, patiently and continues to stroke Cas’ wing, trying to not feel disappointed in the fact that Cas wasn’t going to be able to explain his wings to him.

When the first tear slides out, Dean stops stroking and reaches out to wipe it away.

“Hey,” he says softly, “If this is too hard for you, it’s ok. You don’t have to talk about it. By the sounds of it, I won’t be able to understand what it means for yours to be black anyways.” He hoped Cas would catch on to the joking tone and notice the smile tugging at his lips, but his eyes stay focused somewhere else.

Dean lies there quietly, giving Cas time to himself and waits patiently for him to come back. He notices that Cas’ breathing is harder than when he first awoke and felt a pang of worry blossom in his chest. Hoping that it could calm his friend, he starts to stroke a wing again, oblivious to the pile of loose feathers that are forming at the foot of the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger, more coming soon!
> 
> And for those interested in Cas' feathers and their color, don't worry, he's going to explain it soon and I hope you like it!


	4. Chapter 4

Dean lie there quietly, giving Cas time to himself and waited patiently for him to come back. He notices that Cas’ breathing is harder than when he first woke up and feels a pang of worry blossom in his chest. Hoping that it could calm his friend, he starts to stroke a wing again, oblivious to the pile of loose feathers that is forming at the foot of the bed.

Cas shakes his head, seeming to come back to himself. “Sorry, just… Memories…” he trails off.

“It’s fine Cas, just take your time.” Dean murmurs, pressing his lips to Cas’ forehead. 

Cas nods, almost leaning up into the feel of Dean’s lips on his skin. “So yeah, each color represents something and black is one that is never really seen. It holds importance, but the way black feathers are…” he struggles for the word, not really having one good enough to explain what he is trying to say. “Created?” He comes up with, eyes squinting. “Eh… Not really the best word but…

“Anyways,” He continues. “Black wings only appear under certain circumstances and it is not the most accepted way of getting your wing colors. It involves something that is really only seen as.. as disturbing. It’s hard for other angels to accept anyways, but our Father placed black wings above almost all else, so those who have them hold great status.”

Cas raises his head enough to look at Dean, trying to make sure he’s following along. Cas feels like he is just not making a whole load of sense and expects to see confusion in Dean’s eyes. Instead, Dean seems to be contemplating it all, taking it in, enraptured by the low rumble of Cas’ voice.

“Why would they be so hated if they were placed in such high honor?” Dean asks, not really understanding how that could happen.

“Jealousy? Spite? Fear?” Cas lists off. “There are many reasons why they could suddenly be seen as such a bad thing….”

He trails off again and Dean waits patiently. After a few moments of silence, he places another kiss on Cas’ head, bringing him back to reality. “So how does this happen?” 

Cas blinks a few times before taking a deep breath.

“Compared to the way that you get other colors, it almost seems simple, but in reality, it is something that rarely ever happens,” Cas stops again, blue eyes searching for green ones, capturing them and holding them tightly. “To get black wings, an angel has to fall in love. With a human. And place them above everything else…” Cas finishes with a whisper.

Dean feels his eyes open a little more, widening in shock as he looks down at the man next to him. “Love?” He finally manages to croak out. 

Cas does not say anything and watches as Dean processes everything that is racing through is mind. 

“I’m…” Cas starts to pull away, as much as he can while lying on his stomach on a small hotel bed. “I shouldn’t have told you..” He picks his head up, wanting to move it away from Dean’s dazed expression on his face.

“Cas, wait,” Dean’s voice is quiet, barely above a whisper. Cas stops moving his head but he closes his eyes, not able to stand the pain they make him feel.

“Cas, I’m just surprised. I wasn’t expecting you to say that,” Dean knows his voice is shaking and he can see the pain etched on Cas’ face. “It’s just… Well I’ve never been in love with a man, let alone a supernatural being. Please.. Cas…” Dean reaches out towards Cas’ face, his fingers brushing over the stubble that adorns his cheeks. 

Cas opens his eyes slightly, looking up into Dean’s green ones. “I was only supposed to fix you, but I fell for you instead… Your soul… It burned so brightly in my hands… I pieced it back together and somewhere along the lines….” His voice trails off, but both men know what goes unspoken.

“When you were gone,” Dean’s gruff voice breaks the silence as he tries to make sense of the thoughts swirling in his head. “After the whole Leviathan thing… Cas I went to a dark place.” He spreads his fingers over Cas’ face, cupping his cheek, needing to feel his warmth on his skin. “I thought you were gone for good. That I would never see you again. Cas I… I didn’t know what to do. You can ask Sam if you don’t believe me, but I was a wreck…”

Cas lifts his eyes from where they had fallen again and stares into Dean’s. He can feel the emotion radiating from the man he risked everything for and knew that what he was saying is true. He can still remember the look in Dean’s eyes he saw when he first returned, even after everything he had put him through.

“Dean…” Cas starts, afraid of telling Dean everything. Those green eyes, sparkling and shining like a pair of emeralds, calm him though. “Dean, I have fought for you, rebelled for you, and now I’ve fallen for you. I love you Dean, and I would do it all over again if I had to.” His voice grew stronger at the end, and he lifts his hand from where it lie on the bed. He reaches out to cup Dean’s face, mirroring what Dean was doing to his own. 

They lay like that for a while, neither one of them saying anything. There was nothing that they felt the need to say anymore, and so they just relaxed in each other’s presence, just needing to be close to each other. Sometime during this, Dean fell asleep, finally getting the rest his body had been screaming for since the night before. His sleep was dreamless for the first time in years, instead of being haunted by the nightmares that had plagued him his whole life.

He wakes a few hours later, squinting at the afternoon light that is streaming in through the window. He stretches his arms and legs, trying to get the sleep out of them while his mind starts bringing back memories of the last few days. “Cas,” he says after his mind finally settles.

“Cas?” He calls again when he does not get an answer. The angel is nowhere in the room and the bed is empty and cold next to him.

Getting up, Dean searches the hotel room, yet sees no sign of the angel. Running towards the door, he opens it and looks around the immediate area. “CAS!” he bellows across the parking lot. Heart racing and chest heaving from the fear and worry that is flooding his veins, Dean runs back into the room and searches for the keys to the Impala. Seeing something shining on the floor, Dean bends down to pick up the keys from where he dropped them the night before, only to find them surrounded by a small pile of black feathers.

He quickly turns around, eyes glued to the floor. He doesn't have to look hard though: there is a trail of feathers that lead outside the room and across the parking lot. They become more spaced out, but it is a trail that can be followed. 

Not even taking a moment to think about what is going on, Dean races off following the feathers that he hopes will lead to his angel. Not daring to think about what he mind find at the end, Dean just concentrates on following the path. They lead across the parking lot and into a patch of woods that are on the other side of the motel. The feathers become harder to see, especially in the dimming light, but it does not take long to find one trapped on a branch or sitting on a rock, especially for Dean who is a trained tracker. 

Dean pushes through the tightly packed undergrowth, trying to act like he does not notice the occasional drop of blood that is now accompanying each feather. His heart is racing as fast as his feet and he does his best to not bellow Cas’ name out with every step he takes. 

After pushing through a couple of tightly packed trees, Dean finds himself in a small clearing that has a large boulder sitting in the middle of it. 

Dean does not notice the boulder.

He does not pay attention to the light that is quickly fading. 

He does not think about the fact that he did not even bring a weapon in case something happened.

All he can do is feel his heart stop as his eyes takes in the sight that is before him:

Cas is lying on top of the rock, his wings hanging down over the sides of it. They are no longer the beautiful wings that Dean had been stroking only a few hours ago. They are now ragged and streaked with red again as Cas’ blood seeps from the wounds on his back. “Cas..” Dean croaks, his heart hitting the floor at the sight of Cas lying torn and broken in front of him.

Hearing his name, Cas starts to stir. He picks his head up and turns towards where he thinks he hears the voice and realizes that Dean is standing mere feet away from him.

“Dean...”

Relief starts to stream through Dean’s body when Cas starts to move, the fear of him being dead banished. “Hey Cas,” he starts to walk towards him.

“Stay.. Back..” Those two words take more energy than Cas ever thought could be possible. Breathing hard, he tries to focus as his vision starts to blur and the world rocks beneath him. “Dean.. You have to.. To stay away…” 

Dean freezes, finally realizing that there may be a creature around that is responsible for his angel being broken. His hand instinctively goes to his hip, and he curses when he doesn't feel his gun and vaguely remembers it lying on the table back at the room. “I’m going to get you out of here Cas, everything is going to be ok, I promise.”

Dean’s low voice carries across the clearing to Cas who groans, shaking his head. For once, he thinks to himself. For once, he just wants Dean to listen to him.

“Dean please… just listen to me,” Cas manages to get out, feeling the tightening in his back muscles again, knowing what is coming and knowing that he had to get Dean away before he got hurt. “Please, just… leave me here… you can’t be here…” 

“How many times am I going to have to tell you in your lifetime Castiel,” Dean asks using the angels full name, frustration and fear filling his voice. “I am never going to leave you behind. Now, I’m coming to get you and there’s nothing you can say that will stop me.” Dean starts walking towards the rock Cas was lying on, senses alert for something that could come out and attack them. 

He knew there was not a demon around because the clearing did not smell like sulfur, but he keeps his eyes and ears peeled for something else that could run over to Cas before he gets there. 

“Dean please…” Cas is pleading now, tears running down his cheeks making tracks in the dirt that darkens his face. “Please… I don’t want.. to hurt you…” His shoulders pull back as his back muscles contract. His wings move and Dean watches as even more feathers drop to the ground, piling around the rock. 

Dean can see that Cas is shaking from fear and pain, his eyes now closed tight as he throws his head back.

Dean stops in his tracks, only mere feet away from where Cas writhes in pain on the boulder, his back arching. Resting on his forearms, Cas clenches his hands into fists and his legs seem to scramble to find a hold on the boulder. Dean raises his arms against the wind that is being created from nowhere and everywhere, wanting to run to his angel, but he cannot move any closer, and fear grips him tightly. He watches in horror as Cas’ wings spread behind him, a sight that would have been majestic if he was not been screaming. Dean covers his ears and slams to the ground, eyes closed against the light that is filling the field. The angel screech fills Dean, making it impossible for him to hear even his own thoughts. Curling into a ball, Dean fights to stay conscious as Cas’ screech becomes louder and louder, making Dean’s body ache and fight to stay together. 

Cas’ eyes fly open as he watches the man he loves slowly being killed by the sound that is bursting from his human lungs. He soon has to close his eyes to shield them from the light that he is emitting, the image of Dean curled up on the ground burned into his mind. He knows that they only way to make sure Dean stays alive is to finish this and so he lets himself be pulled up by whatever power is in control until he is standing. He flings his arms out to the side and throws his head up as a surge of power rushes through him, making his scream louder. He lets the power course through him, burn him, destroy every last bit of Grace that could have possibly been in him.

The last thought he has before it completely takes him over is hoping Dean is strong enough to survive through this. Strong enough to live in this world without him. 

_Dean… ___

Cas finally blacks out, overwhelmed with pain and sorrow, finally succumbing to the blinding light that is enveloping him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i know they had that scene in the tub and everything and you might be thinking, there is no reason for Dean to be surprised by the fact that Cas loves him. I just believe that Dean would be surprised if anyone loves him. He hates himself so much that he's at a place where he thinks no one could ever want to be with him, so even after everything that just happened, he still thinks, "Who could ever love me?". 
> 
> I'm thinking about exploring this more in either this story or a different one later on.
> 
> Comments appreciated :)


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